By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
