ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
