Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
