well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
