I'd wear matching sweaters with you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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