you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
