She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
