I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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