i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize