i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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