why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
