everyone is single if you try hard enough
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
