Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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