the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
