At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
