The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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