from now on my penis is your penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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