so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
