I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
