I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you had me at cake vodka
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
