He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
