Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
