Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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