I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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