Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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