somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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