I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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