I heard we made out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
