got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
