worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
