Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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