I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
