Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
