You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
