What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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