White coat. Heels.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
