You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
