how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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