Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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