I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
