The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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