He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
