You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
