just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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