Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
