Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
