I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
