my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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