took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
