You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
