so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my sisters under your porch take her home
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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