make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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