Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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