I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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