Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
