Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
