there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Be still, my beating vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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