So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
