We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize