no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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