I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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