Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
