Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
